Thursday, October 26, 2006

A Brief History of Blog (as portrayed in 1950s monster movies)

Blog was born some time ago, and right away we infer that his parents must have hated him since they gave him such an ugly name. They must also have been Trekkies or yacht-racers, since the only people that use "log" as a synonym for diary are nautical types or sci-fi lovers. I figured someone must have taken this to the next step, and yes, I have found the Captain's Blog :stardate, now. The captain is a proponent of some AMAZING conspiracy theories, including, but not limited to, the idea that terrorists (or someone like them) are controlling hurricanes and directing them toward the U.S.

But consider the alternatives: Web + Diary = Wiary or Biary. Actually, Biary isn't so bad-sounding, but the one virtue of Blog is that it's short, whereas Biary is more than one syllable. No one could be expected to say more than one syllable in such a fast-paced world as the one that Blog inhabited. He lived in the town of Cyberspace, which is not much like actual space, but it tries hard. Another option would have been Web + Journal = Wournal or Bournal. Neither is short, and both are ugly. I blame Roget (when in doubt, the French can easily fill in as scapegoats) for not coming up with enough synonyms for diary. Although, it does also list record, memoir, account and chronicle. With these more obscure options I was able to come up with Bord, Boir, Woir, Wount, Bicle, and Wicle. How can you argue against Wicle or Boir? If you have a good case, I want to hear it. Now, please. Both of the aforementioned so far surpass blog that I demand a revolution. Maybe I will place an internet poll somewhere where all five of you reading this will find it and vote for either Wicle or Boir.

I digress; this article was about Blog, not those trying to overthrow him. Anyway, Blog got his big break in 1951 with "The Thing." (see how a specific, brilliant liguistic decision can make a career?)

Blog, looking like Frankenstein's monster with horns. Note, Blog is even scarier-looking out of costume.

In 1954, Blog was given another great role, this time as "the creature." Slightly less ambiguous!

Blog, trying to pull himself out of the swamp of ugly (where he still lives, by the way), from the film "The Creature from the Black Lagoon". The swamp of ugly is also where most of Blog's writers live.

For a while, Blog went unnoticed, but after two hit films he could not stay hidden, even in the swamp of ugly. In 1956 he did not appear, but was given creative credit in, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

When asked why Blog was credited, even though he never appeared in the film, director Don Siegel stated that "Blog has a tendency to take over people's lives, just like the body-snatchers."

The 50s were busy years for Blog, who in 1958, won the leading role in "Blob."

Here is Blog as "Blob," trying to eat, or perhaps absorb, the world. Please note that this is also Blog's real-life aspiration.

Blog's movie career was never the same after the 50s, although he went on to "Son of Blob" (1972), "Harry and the Hendersons" (1987), and occasional guest spots on "Alf".

Today, Blog has moved on to more-disturbing roles in politics and professional snooping. He is currently a featured profile on MySpace and enjoys internet, but not actual, dating. In person, he is too terrible and ugly to look at.

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