Friday, April 27, 2007

Little Debbie, Sallie Mae and Wendy Play the Three Furies

This morning I woke up and ate a Little Debbie's choco-marshmellow dessert snack with my coffee. Since then, I have pretty much decided that it is the most unhealthy food ever. I don't even think it should properly be called food. Little Debbie is the most innocent-looking little girl since the Coppertone girl who perpetually gets her diaper ripped off by a dog. Does anyone remember that ad? What happens when something bites a diaper? No good can come from that. Who in the world thought that up, and why would it ever be considered a good idea?

But back to Little Debbie—she always has a snack for you. She wants you to be fat and die of scurvy (while consuming oatmeal pies).

Then, instead of eating lunch, I spent two hours sitting in an exit-loan workshop at USC, listening to how Sallie Mae owns me for at least ten years. TEN. For many students, it's TWENTY-FIVE. Favorite fun fact: only 7% of students make all of their payments on time over the first three years of a loan. Sallie Mae is worse than Little Debbie, so much so, that I could only find this picture:

Don't let the look take you in. She will garnish your wages and steal your income tax refund in a heartbeat. (Cliché alert.) I'm pretty sure she is the Irish mafia.

For dinner, I only wish I would have eaten at Wendy's. That little red-haired minx is just as devious. I heard they have replaced the buns with deep-fried choco-marshmellow paddies.

Instead, I had Mexican food.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Why MySpace Boosts My Self-Esteem

Yes, I admit it. I have a MySpace account. I'm not really ashamed of it, either. I really love the principle of networking centered around artistic communities like musicians and writers, and sharing your work via the network. It still is taken advantage of—because of the lack of an individual verification system like Facebook has. You can say or be anyone on MySpace, which I suppose is what makes the internet a vicarious and scary place. It's interesting, though, because many people take this to another level, where they are almost mocking the principle of "be anyone." How many profiles have you seen that are "99-year-old female" who makes "$250,000 or over?"

I get a lot of friend requests on MySpace—probably at least two a day. Yes, all of the porn stars and entrepreneurial stock broker and drug company types want to be my friend. I can only conclude from this that I am CEO material encaged in an übersexy body. The best friend request, though, was the following:

I have nothing else to say about that.

Final Project and USC are Done

My final project, though flawed, is complete and approved. So, unless the committee decides to turn it down (very unlikely), I have completed all the requirements of the MPW degree. I'm going to start calling it an MFA, just to avoid confusion. Also, it makes me feel as if I didn't waste money on the degree.

In other news, I will not be attending a PhD program in the Fall. All three turned me down, although the rumor is that I was "close" at USC. They accepted 2 out of 80 applications; so I'm not surprised. I would have loved to stay at 'SC and work with the incredible PhD faculty in the English department, but it looks like I'll have the first year completely off from school since kindergarten.

My responsibilities as a TA are wrapping up and I'm looking forward to the summer and trying to get a story or two published.